


Cherry Wine

by orenjist (orphan_account)



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Angst, Domestic Violence, F/F, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:48:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26493658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orenjist
Summary: It was déjà vu, her back pressed strongly against the wall, her hands locked above her, the once sweet and honey-like voice shouting like an angry beast.
Relationships: Bae Joohyun | Irene/Kang Seulgi
Kudos: 19





	Cherry Wine

**Author's Note:**

> didnt proofread again hshshshsh postponing chemistry homework for this just because. got a sudden inspiration after listening to cherry wine. anyways enjoy -..-..-.--..-.-.-.

Irene stares down at a purple patch encircling her wrists. It’s been a week and the patch is yet to heal. She had to wear long sleeves for a whole week despite the burning weather. She sighs heavily, sitting at the bottom of the stone stairs in front of the art department building. She waits for her girlfriend, as gets lost in the crispy afternoon air. She tries to forget the patch and once again hid it with her black sleeves.

It was a Friday; they both had no schedules for the weekend, thankfully. So as tradition, Irene and her one year girlfriend Seulgi slumped down the leather mattress, buttered popcorn on a single bowl alternating between the two women’s laps. They let the 1900 old film drag them to its world, warmth mingling with each other in the ice-cold air-conditioned room. But Seulgi asks a question before they go to sleep and it didn’t end well.

* * *

Irene caresses a long scar, digging underneath her turtleneck shirt, she sighs once again. When she sees her friends approaching, she quickly retrieves her hands and rests them on the lunch table, greeting them joyfully amidst the burning in her neck.

It was Monday, her hangout day with her friends. They went to a karaoke bar, according to Joy’s wishes despite Wendy’s reluctance. They spent the night happily, forgetting about the grueling hours in university, the pressure from their parents, and for Irene, forgetting about her life in the four corners of their shared apartment.

* * *

“You should break up with her.”

Irene breaks from her momentarily stupor and looks in front of the mirror where her friend’s reflection stares hard at her.

“Why?” she breathes out uncertainly despite knowing the answer already.

“Irene, don—“

“Joy—“

“Don’t even try to pretend, you already know the answer.” Joy finished.

Silence filled the comfort room with only the sound of heels clicking by the door echoing inside, but Irene’s mind never ceased to be silent.

* * *

It was déjà vu, her back pressed strongly against the wall, her hands locked above her, the once sweet and honey-like voice shouting like an angry beast. She could only cry herself to sleep feet away and facing back against her lover. She cries and cries silently until she can hear the soft snores of the girl beside her. She faced the ceiling, the silence providing the space for Joy’s words that run ceaselessly in her mind ever since then.

“ _Break up with her”._

She looks at the peaceful cat-like face sleeping heavily. Like an infant who can never harm a single soul.

“But I love her.” She whispers and presses a soft kiss against her lover’s hanging lips.

* * *

But Irene can only take too much. As the apartment was jarred with the pugnacious sound of Seulgi’s shouts, she knows she can’t keep this up anymore.

“THEN WHY DIDN’T YOU CALL ME IF YOU COULD’NT BUY THE GROCERIES, I COULD’VE DONE IT!”

Unlike all their fights, she didn’t answer back, she let all the objects flung through her, some hitting her, some don’t. She grew tired of it.

“Let’s break up.”

She expected her to be more furious, maybe be once again pressed against the well, but will all the pain they had with each other, she forgot there was love. She stared with a newly formed heartbreak as Seulgi’s face fell, tears surfacing the corners of her eyes and her frown. For the first time since they knew each other, she saw her frown.

“Please don’t. I’m so sorry. I won’t hurt you anymore.”

Seulgi kneels clutching Irene’s feet, begging helplessly. But Irene can’t hear her, her wails rumble around the room but are muddled from Irene’s heartbeat constricting and shattering, her tears flowing down freely.

“I love you.” was Seulgi’s last words as she opens the door of their shared apartment that will now only have a sole owner.

“This isn’t love.” She said more to herself than the girl feet and miles away from her.

* * *

She was her first love, her cliché love story in college under the cherry blossom tree, her movie nights partner, her café tablemate, and lastly, her home.

“It wasn’t love.” Joy patted her back as a way of consolation, while Irene cries inside her apartment for the umpteenth time that day.

She repeated that to herself repeatedly, like a mantra, like it was true, but she knows very well it wasn’t.

* * *

She tried hard to convince herself that it was the right choice. She’s now free; she won’t get hurt anymore; she doesn’t feel like suffocating; she’s okay.

She did, she really did, but then the mere sight of Seulgi shatters her like the first day they didn’t share each other’s breaths anymore. She tried to pry away the thoughts that bubble reminding her of the warmth they shared during Friday nights. She tried to forget and the months that passed by seemed to help.

* * *

But, she doesn’t see Seulgi anymore. She doesn’t look for her, it was just that they shared one class every week but it’s been 3 weeks and there were still no Seulgi. She knows too well how conscious Seulgi was for her own grades, so she thought it was just normal to worry.

And then she saw her at the school festival, in the middle of warm-lited booths, under the shade of a lonesome tree. Like everyone, staring up the starless skies. Quiet anticipation for the fireworks stills the crowd, and then it comes, the piercing shriek of the soaring firework and the complete mum of the crowd.

Then it bursts as a roar in the skies, like Zeus’s erupting laugh. Irene looks up. The lights are vivid, lively, and colorful; the crowd cheers with endless vigor as the light continue to dance and light up the night sky, popping and cracking. She looks back to where Seulgi was, but despite tip-toeing, she couldn’t find her head. She jostled through the crowd, bumping into distracted bodies, and she easily finds her way. In front of the oak tree, Seulgi crouches, her head buried in her thighs, while she was covering her ears; she was shaking. Irene knew of her fear of loud sounds. She inched closer to her as if she was walking on thin ice, careful of startling the already petrified girl. Once they were a centimeter apart, she crouched down raising her fingers to caress the other girl, like she always did. But—

“ _Please don’t hurt me.”_

She hears her whimper like a child. She retreated her fingers afraid that her mere touch can shatter her. She sees Seulgi’s grip on her ears tighten too much to be comfortable. She held it in hers. Slowly, the younger girl looks up, her eyes filled with questions; but with the tears that coat her eyes, Irene can see the fear.

Seulgi looks at her, for the first time, she couldn’t see through like the days she saw through Seulgi’s frustrations and sadness. She only saw fear, akin to looking at a child left by her mother. She could only watch the girl break free and walk away, disappearing into the crowd.

* * *

She thought she knew Seulgi. Knew every emotion her face can make. Knows the playfulness in the slight crinkle of her nose, knows the confusion that plays between her brows, knows the sadness the drags her cheeks. But as she grips her pen tightly, helplessly, staring at the scars that seemingly appear all over Seulgi’s body every week like she have it for herself to have a new tattoo every now and then, she knew she didn’t know the other girl at all.

“ _Please don’t hurt me.”_ She closed her eyes, a certain heaviness coating her chest, for she thinks she’s got the wind of it.

* * *

_Ding Dong._

No answer.

_Ding Dong._

Still no answer.

She pressed the doorbell for the 6th time sparing long intervals each but still, no answer. She deftly reaches for her backpack’s side pocket, retreating them as she feels for the cold surface.

 _You can do it._ She says to herself, as she enters the apartment she left 3 months ago.

She was greeted by the pitch-black darkness, the window adjacent to the joint living-kitchen room providing the flecks of the moonlight, just enough to lilt the girl sleeping tightly on the couch. She caresses the sleeping girl’s cheek, it would be a lie if she said she didn’t miss her. She missed her badly, and she doesn’t miss the spark that connects their skin. She watches her sleep serenely, scans the scars ingrained on her once flawless skin. She caressed it as well, maybe a little too hard, as she was preoccupied with her thoughts running wild, hence, the sleeping bear roused to wake. After the quick realization, Seulgi sits up quickly, fruitlessly fixing her messy hair.

“ _Wh—Why are you here”_

After opening the lights, Irene kneels again in front of her. Looking around the room she can see used bandages that pile up on the kitchen table, instant noodles stacked, clothes overlapping each other on the floor. 

“ _Why…why are you here”_ She looks backs at the disoriented girl.

Silence engulfs them as Irene held the other’s hand, caressing it like the first time she did a year ago. Then she feels her shake, constrained whimpers pulling at Irene’s heartstrings.

She let her cry, until steps of overtime workers echoes outside the door and unto their feet. Until the tears of frustration and anger quell into something of surrender. The younger girl breathed heavily signifying her calm.

_“Who did this to you?”_ Irene whispered eerily.

_“d…”_ she hears a croak but not loud enough for her to understand.

She caresses the slender hands again as a sign of reassurance.

_“My parents”_ The girl continues, bowing her head in shame.

_“Do they always do this?”_ Irene tries to push down the anger in her voice.

The other girl nods back.

_“That’s not—“_

_“It’s alright I was wrong.”_

Silence. She reached for the younger girl’s chin to look back at her, she sees guilt.

_“Then tell me… what wrong have you done to deserve this?”_ Irene feels her voice crack, tears stinging her already moist eyes.

She sees her apprehension and doubt, but Irene once again holds her softly.

_“My grades.”_

_“Seul—“_

_“They always do this, I’m used to this. It’s my fault anyway, they work hard for me but I couldn’t even reward them.”_

_“But it’s still wrong!”_ Irene finally snaps her anger, finally joining her helpless plead.

_Silence._

_“But they love me.”_ Irene almost missed her broken whisper; if she didn’t catch it would’ve disappeared in the eerie of the silence; a whisper more than voiced, was said to convince herself.

The dam containing her tears finally breaks, and her tears flow freely down her face. She ducks her head, buries her head desperately nuzzling the fingers she dearly held. She feels the other girl join her tears.

She looks at the hands she held, the scars she missed, and feels her heart shatter to a thousand pieces.

_“No.”_ She croaks between her whimpers.

_“This isn’t love.”_ She looks up again to meet the face softly graced by the moonlight.

_“If they loved you-“_ she slides both her hands up to the bruises of the other girl’s hands, hovering just above, afraid to add more pain. _“They wouldn’t do this.”_

_“If they loved you-“_

_“They would do this.”_

Seulgi feels warmth engulf her, arms tenderly hugging her. She whimpers again, not because of the pain behind her bruises, but the truth behind it. She clings to the warmth she never received back home, clings desperately to her only beacon of light.

* * *

* _Crash*_

Seulgi swiftly ran to the sound seeing a young girl with teary eyes. Irene arrives shortly after.

_“What happened?”_ She asks softly.

_“Broke it”_ The child answered back.

Seulgi kneeled down to the child’s level, surveying the hands for scars.

“ _It’s okay Yeri, be careful next time.”_

Irene smiled with pride at the words of her wife, as she joined her on the floor to check their child.

A thought passes by. What if she left and gave up on Seulgi back then? They wouldn’t be here now, she concluded as she lets the thought go away. She stares at her wife fondly, looking back on the days when she joined Seulgi who was a nervous wreck during her therapy, the days when Seulgi raises her hand in anger only to flick her forehead in the end, she chuckled at her thoughts. 

If it was every other toxic and abusive relationship, she would’ve left for good because, in all ways, abuse can never be justified. But, she never knew what Seulgi was experiencing; it wasn’t an excuse for all the abuse, she knows, but that night Seulgi looked at her as if she was lost, a child who broke a vase but didn’t know it was wrong. She knows she isn’t a therapist to heal her, but Seulgi looks at her desperately as if wanting to escape her past, and that was enough for Irene to hold her hand once again.

**Author's Note:**

> did you get the reference from Irene's last lines, it was from the shoplifters hhhhh. abuse is quite a heavy topic to tackle, and I hope i got my point through- not stay with abusive partners cause this was a special case ig (cause seriously, leave ur abusive relationships) but rather, love should never entail abuse. omg why cant ao3 put my text as it is zzzzz


End file.
